Epsonality Goddamn!
Published November 29th, 2007 in Black Folks, Epsonality, White Folks.“Uh oh.” I said. This didn’t look good.
The day had started out promising. It was an early Sunday Morning and no one in my house was awake. I sat in the living room, watching television and eating Cap’n Crunch™, which is strictly forbidden in my house. But like I said no one was awake yet so I was safe. Plus I’m grown so technically I can do what the hell I want.
As long as my wife doesn’t find out.
I munched happily and watched the commercials. A stark, white lab appeared. A White man in a lab coat stood behind a Black man who sat at a desk watching a printer. My Spidey sense started to tingle.
“Please print the document.” The lab technician directed. “Uh oh” I said. The pages quickly started feeding out of the printer, The Black man bucked his eyes widely, “Wow! Yes! GO! GO! GO! GO!” He yelled at the printer “No! Please, please, please!” I whispered to the television. The lab technician quietly jotted down his notes. “OH MAN DO YOU SEE THIS! THIS IS INCREDIBLE MAN! WHOO!!!” The Black man whooped in amazement. The titles came up with a voiceover. I shut my eyes tight and prayed, “Please God no! Please God! Don’t let him do it!” I pleaded. The titles cut away and there it was.
The Black man was dancing in front of the printer.
“GODDAMMIT!!!”
I sank into the couch and folded my arms, sulking and mumbling to myself. Shortly after that, another commercial came on for the movie Enchanted. The handsome prince had just plunged a large sword into a bus, mistaking it for a terrifying monster. The bus driver, a large Black woman with wild hair stomped menacingly down the aisle of the bus. I threw my arm over my face to shield my eyes. “DON’T NOBODY STAB MY BUS!!!” The Black woman yelled.
It was 8:27 am. I got up from the couch and went back to bed.
Later, my wife saw the cereal bowl in the living room and I got in trouble.
Goddamn Enchanted. Goddamn Epsonality.
I haven’t seen either of these commercials, but I can picture them both with shocking clarity. I guess that says a lot about what we’re used to seeing in the media, and it is pretty sickening. While there are certainly a good amount of black characters on TV (these days) who don’t fit these foolish cookie-cutter shapes, there’s an overwhelming amount that do. And my question is, do your children ever ask about them?
I get a lot out of reading your posts on black folks and white folks. Of course, I just like your blog in general. I especially like the posts about your wife- now there’s a woman that I have some things in common with!
I checked out my standard source, The New International Webster’s Pocket Dictionary of the English Language, New Revised Edition; and then resorted to my old Webster’s Third New International Dictionary, unabridged, and Seven Language Dictionary, all to no avail. What the hell does “epsonality” mean?
Bumpa: Epsonality is what the Epson printer posseses. Well, at least from Epson’s marketing point-of-view.
As far as these stereotypes of blacks - like it or not, that is how we are perceived by others…and “perception is reality.”
I always turn the channel when the news reporter is interviewing the black guy “who saw the whole thang happen”…