(Suggested soundtrack for this post: “It’s Been a Long Time” by Rakim. Go to the store and buy it or download it from iTunes. I don’t really care how you get it, just get it, come back here and play the song while you read. Don’t worry, I’ll still be here when you get back.)

I’m here! You could even say, I’m back! We”ll call this a soft opening, since no-one really knows I exist. Oh many people have been anticipating my return. They’ve searched far and wide, here and there, left and right…up and…down. (You get the point.) Some have even resorted to trying to call me on my cell phone. (Which is ridiculous since I don’t actually answer my phone. The only reason I have it is to dance to my favorite ringtone. To me, It’s like an ipod…that holds one song.)

Stories of my return have become the stuff of legend. Some have said, “I hear we will know of his return when we have achieved peace in the middle east, oatmeal comes in several different flavors and we all get those free jet-packs we we’re all supposed to have by now!” All of which is quite silly. Except for the oatmeal thing. (Maple Brown Sugar is quite tasty.)

Anyway, despite the fact that no-one knows I exist yet, I’m here Blam! Back in your face punks! At least I would be, if there were actually any faces here. But soon all of that will change as my evil plans for world domination begin to unfold, bwahahaha suckas!

So here I am. I’ve returned to you like a thief in the night.

I’m sorta like Jesus.

…Except for the whole, “evil world domination” thing, the maniacal laugh and the fact that I just called you all “suckas.”…oh and “punks”…can’t forget that…I’m pretty sure Jesus wouldn’t have done that.

Whatev, the point is, I’m back and babaaay, have I got some stories to tell. Some are true, but for the most part, it’s just crap I made up. But that’s why you’re here right?

Oh, that’s right, I forgot. You don’t know I exist yet.

Note to self: work on “existing.”